Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Moving forward

As I think about this thing that happened to me - I am very grateful for one thing..... that it happened to me and not someone I love.

What happened after the hospital....... I'll catch you up to date.

Friday - Day 2

Home to rest. Looking in the mirror was so odd. For someone who has always been known for her smile, it was strange to see someone else in the mirror -- someone who was not smiling back at me. But that was not my main problem. Ialso didn't feel right -- I was lightheaded, dizzy, and very weak. Just to walk from my bed to the kitchen took a lot of effort.

One obvious thing is that my left eye would not close whatsoever. No blinking, no shutting. Nada. This made the eye very uncomfortable - with light, dust, wind, heat, cold -- everything.
So I had to shut my eye manually with my finger every so often. (and use artificial tears drops)
I tried to watch a half hour television show and it took me more than an hour - I had to keep stopping it. Computer screen too - was hard on the eyes - or should I say, eye.

I noticed one other thing too. My left ear was super sensitive to noise. Not regular noise but "loud" noises. When my little dog, Dakota, barked -- I swear I had an amplifier next to my ear. It hurt so bad!! I had lost the fluid from my tympanic membrane -- therefore, there's nothing to muffle the sound.

I was also concerned about work -- being the workaholoic that I am, I wanted to get right back to work and planned on being there Monday. That was my plan.

Saturday/Sunday Day 3 and 4

It became clear that there was no way I could be at work Monday. Not only did the lightheadedness continued, but I soon realized I couldn't talk well, I couldn't eat well, and I was having a hard time drinking liquids. My eye continued to bother me - ALOT.
I also found that I was starting to hurt myself -- I would unconciously try to rub my eye and actually touch the eyeball itself. Happened a few times.
I worked on some physical therapy - facial exercises - but they were frustrating. No matter how hard I tried, nothing happened.
I spent much of the weekend in bed. I couldn't read but I did log onto FaceBook every so often - not too bad as long as I did not spend more than five minutes at a time on it.

I also did something stupid on Saturday night - I went to see Harry Potter. BIG MISTAKE.
Not only was the flashing light horrible for my eyesight, the noise was almost unbearable. But I did it for Marisa. And I ended up huddling my ear against the seat (which muffled the noise) and with one hand closed my left eye. Eventually I fell asleep and I missed most of the movie, so that wasn't so bad.
When I got home, I had to tape my eye down almost immediately - it was so tired.

Sunday - more of the same tiredness. I wanted to go out and test my driving ability - but there was no way - I couldn't even walk straight, let alone drive.
On the plus side, my drinking ability has improved. I can now successfully, with minimal spilling, drink from a cup like a big girl.

Monday - Day 5
I can close my eye! I can close my eye! With a bit of effort, anyway. But hey, I'll take it. Very exciting. I still can't blink but I can close my left eye. If I try several times, it gets harder.
I saw my doctor today - he was very happy with the eye progress.
He also doubled my medication, which was necessary to control my blood pressure, but suddenly I found myself double exhausted. It is so debilitating to be on them. I hate it.
The prednisone I was placed on makes me sick too. Yuk. Hate those pills. They are soooo bitter.

Tuesday - Day 6
I'm getting tired of soup. I've had nothing but soup for five days. I am craving a taco.
At work, Tuesday is Taco Tuesday. What I wouldn't give to bite down on a crunchy taco.
Eating remains difficult. My mouth does not open properly and I keep biting the top of my left lip. But I remain optimistic.
Also - my lower left lip started quivering today. Not sure what it meant but I took it as a good sign.

Wednesday - Day 7
Woohoo! I looked in the mirror this morning. I woke up with a tiny smile - small upturn to left lip visible - and possible! I was so excited. Dont almost effortless.
I still have my lopsided smile on the outside but inside, I feel as if it's a great, big, even smile!
I know I will get there.

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