I am very excited and honored to learn that I earned an Honorable Mention - and I made it into the "Forties Club" - with this story I submitted into Clarity of Night's recent contest. (Members of the Clarity of Night Forties Club are entries scoring 40 or higher out of 45 possible points.) For those of you who missed my story, here it is:
Waiting on a Miracle
by Esther Avila
Jack watched the television, his mouth open at the scene unfolding at Fashion Point Mall -- police tape, metal, skin, and chaos.
“Unbelievable!” he said to himself as the phone rang.
“Hey, are you watching the news?” Kyle asked. “Can you believe it?”
Just the day before, Jack and Kyle met for dinner -- and a few drinks.
“Stop being such a baby. If I were in that wheelchair, I wouldn’t be such a whiner,” Kyle had said.“I dare you to spend the whole evening in a wheelchair.”
The deal was on. Heading to the mall, Kyle obtained a chair and proceeded to maneuver around the shops.
“Nothing to it,” he said. “I bet my grandma could do this blindfolded.”
“Tell me that after you take the stairs.”
Kyle headed to the escalator, ignoring the warning: Strollers and Wheelchairs Prohibited.
“Don’t do it Kyle. I was kidding.”
Too late.Jack felt helpless as he watched his best friend tumble to the bottom of the stairs.
Laughing, Kyle stood, thankful for the beers that cushioned the fall.
A concerned crowd had gathered around him.“I can walk,” Kyle yelled as he stood and pushed away the chair. “It’s a miracle!”
Jack’s attention turned back to the pretty reporter on the news.
“…..two people are in critical condition and four others in serious condition after they rolled their wheelchairs down the escalator, apparently looking for a miracle. A man in his mid 20s was miraculously healed yesterday …..”
Appreciated your twist!
January 15, 2009 12:23 AM
good ending .. riveting in a way.
January 15, 2009 1:01 AM
that was some good twist. but somehow it is good that people still believe in miracles, even though it does not work out always. Well written!
January 15, 2009 1:36 AM
Ha ha!That was a good read,and relieving too :)
January 15, 2009 3:35 AM
K.Lawson Gilbert said...
Unique take. Good writing skills - I like the way the story unfolded. (Kyle needs an attitude adjustment- lol)
January 15, 2009 7:14 AM
Things just work out for some people! I loved your take on the picture; this was a fun-to-read piece.
January 15, 2009 7:35 AM
nice twist :)
January 15, 2009 7:45 AM
oh, my gosh. such a great story - LOVE this
January 15, 2009 8:35 AM
Cool and enjoyable tale
January 15, 2009 9:08 AM
Loved the macabre twist...Heh! Heh! Server them right for blindly believing everything they see.:DDo read my story too.:)#86.:)
January 15, 2009 9:26 AM
what a twisty ending. good job!
January 15, 2009 12:18 PM
Ouch! Well done.
January 15, 2009 1:11 PM
Oh!! Fabulous! And, sadly, so true to human nature. You had me on the edge of my seat until the scene was revealed.Loved it!!:)
January 15, 2009 4:23 PM
I wasn't expecting that.
January 15, 2009 4:55 PM
Jaye Wells said...
Loved the punch line. Thanks for the laugh.
January 15, 2009 5:24 PM
Wicked! Loved it.John McAuley
January 15, 2009 7:11 PM
Nice twist at the end - completely unexpected! - jana
January 15, 2009 9:50 PM
I really love the ending!
January 16, 2009 10:52 AM
Nothing prepared me for the end. Very fuuny :).-Prashant Dhanke
January 16, 2009 12:16 PM
iLL Man said...
Never be shy of a sick joke........... =DMinimal fuss in the telling and the gag came out of nowhere. Nicely done.Ewen.
January 16, 2009 8:44 PM
Like everyone else, I love the brilliant twist. The buildup really sells it.
January 17, 2009 1:53 AM
LOL...great writing... loved the end :)
January 17, 2009 11:32 AM
Thank you for reading it and commenting. It sure was fun writing it. I got the idea after my daughter tripped on one and jokingly said the same thing after standing up (though not on stairs)and being a news reporter, I had to throw one into the story. :)I've enjoyed reading all of the other stories too. I am almost done too. There sure were a lot of them. Thanks again.
January 17, 2009 10:55 PM
Esther, tht was a grt grt story and a grt msg too..
January 18, 2009 12:56 PM
Esther, such inspired writing! I could really see your characters, and I loved the line, "...thankful for the beers that cushioned the fall." I've dated this idiot. Fun read with an outrageous twist.
January 18, 2009 3:23 PM
Naughty but nice. Tres interesting take on this photo prompt!
January 18, 2009 11:20 PM
Sawan, Terry and Geraldine - Aww...You guys warmed my heart and made me smile. Thank you so much for the kind and uplifting comments.
January 19, 2009 3:22 AM
Nice story...and a good message...What the heck take a chance will ya.....
January 19, 2009 12:05 PM
Sarah Hina said...
I loved this one, Esther! Such a natural unfolding of events, making the twist that much more memorable. You did so much right with this joke gone wrong. :) Expertly written, with convincing characters and dialogue. The desire to believe can lead people to do crazy things. Well done!
January 19, 2009 2:11 PM
Ceedy and Sarah, thank you so very much for your comments. They mean a lot to me.Everyone: Well, I read every single story in the contest - all 125 of them, and some of them I read two to three times. I also commented on each and every one.Wonderful little contests Jason runs. They are fun to write, and even more fun to read and learn.
January 20, 2009 2:40 AM
Thanks for giving us another wonderful example of how it's done! Congratulations on placing so highly in this talented little pond.
January 20, 2009 12:52 PM
jason evans (contest official) said...
Congratulations on the honorable mention!Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.January 20, 2009 11:01 PM
Oh Terry - You're too kind. Thank you.Jason: Thank you for all of the hours you put into this. Your contests and comments are greatly appreciated and have encouraged me to take a leap of faith. I write newspaper articles but my heart and soul wants to move towards short stories again - and I want to continue with my novel once more...thank you for re-firing me up.
January 21, 2009 12:23 PM